• s2
  • Relationships

    True Friends Don’t Use Your Ears as a Garbage Dump

    March 5, 2014



    Some time ago, during the course of a conversation, a friend proceeded to tell me something she’d heard someone say about me behind my back. Before she could get three words out, I held my ears and said, “Stop. I’m sorry– I don’t mean to cut you off,  but I’d rather not hear this.”

    My kind friend stopped mid-sentence and changed the subject. Friends don’t let friends drive drunk, and friends don’t use friends’ ears as a garbage dump.

    Still, a few minutes later, this conversation between Me and my Self ensued:

    Self: “Wouldn’t you like to know what was said about you?”

    Me: “Of course not! What good would that do me?”

    Self: “Maybe that person isn’t truly your friend. Finding out what was said about you would make that clear.”

    Me: “And why is that important? Don’t I have the right and freedom to love that person unconditionally, whether or not he or she talks about me behind my back?”

    Self: “Whatever. But it wouldn’t hurt to find out if there are any rumors being spread about you.”

    Me: “I couldn’t care less. People know who I am. Shut up already.”

    The inner dialogue lasted a fraction of the time it took you to read it. I was pleasantly surprised by that. It used to be those conversations in my head would go on for hours, even days.

    By God’s grace, I am so getting over my Self.

    See, Christianity, unlike religion, doesn’t seek to improve Self. It kills it. Baptism into Christ signifies the death of an old identity and the resurrection of a new one that can’t be brought down even if I do hear the noise of painful words.

    I once heard of a minister who was careful to remind people not to talk about him behind his back. With that kind of insecurity, no wonder the quit-rate among pastors is 1,700 a month!

    What about you? How much do you care about what others say about you behind your back?



    2 thoughts on “True Friends Don’t Use Your Ears as a Garbage Dump

    1. Mary says:


      I’ve been more hurt by second-hand gossip than I was by what was said. Sometimes I just wish people would keep it to themselves. 🙁

      1. Faith Bogdan says:

        Thanks for the comment, Mary! Gossip is so painful and damaging. I want to do better in this area. I definitely have room for improvement!

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published.

  • Blog Categories (Scroll Through)

  • Archives